Sweet Baby Girl You Are Loved

A few weeks ago, on Paxton's birthday, I set up an appointment to see the gender of our baby. We took Paxt in the room and watched as the ultrasound showed a cute little baby wiggling and dancing like it knew we were watching. We were both dead set that it was going to be a boy. I even had the perfect superhero theme room that they could share and Mark dreamed of two really tall boys playing side by side on the basketball court. I hear a lot of people say "Oh you feel the same with as you did with Paxton then it must be a boy." So that is what I thought. Then we hear the words, "Oh this baby is A GIRL... a girl for SURE." My heart dropped... my jaw dropped. What the.. a girl... you must be missing something. It took me a few minuets to grasp the concept that I was going to have a baby girl. Pink... makeup... hair bows.... that is so NOT me. And I thought that was the shocker of the day that is until 30 min later.

I sent Mark and Paxton home because you know, a one year old can last only so long in a doctors office without ruining every possible instrument.As I sat in the waiting room alone i felt good and happy. I had been telling Mark all along that something was going to be wrong with this pregnancy. I had no idea what it was going to be I just didn't feel like things were right. But there I just saw my baby.. and she was moving and she was healthy. I got called back to go see the doctor and then I knew why I felt that way. My doctor is normally like the sweetest most hilarious person and that day she walked in with a look on her face that worried me. I said "Erica... its a girl!" Her reply was "have you been bleeding jocelyn?" Then i knew something was wrong with me. She went on to tell me that I had severe bleeding in my placenta. Bad enough that it looked like I had been in a car wreck or been a victim of domestic violence. After talking to the social worker they finally believed me that I hadn't been abused. She told me that she is surprised that my sweet baby was growing and that I hadn't miscarried her yet. She also talked about the possibility of our baby being down syndrome. I just sat there with the big crocodile tears in my eyes trying not to explode without my husband. She told me that I would be sent to Ogden to see a specialist and we would know more then. 

So I called my mom and cried. Called my dad and cried... and came home crying to my husband. How in the world did THIS happen to ME. Did I cause this... what could I have done wrong. The next appointment in Ogden was not available for 9 days. Those 9 days were the LONGEST 9 days of our life. I swear every little movement I made I was nervous to hurt the baby or to miscarry her. We are so thankful for family that joined us in fasting and prayers as we awaited our appointment in Ogden. We finally made it there after me having about 10 mental break downs to myself while Mark was at work. You know when you have that moment of extreme comfort from the holy ghost?? Yeah I had that. It was amazing. We got all set up for another ultra sound and what we saw was amazing. The doctor told me that my body was healing itself. The blood in my placenta was clotting off and shouldn't bother our baby. It was so weird to see just a huge pocket of blood chilling in my stomach... he also comforted us and said to not stress the down syndrome. Sometimes God works in mysterious ways. I have always had a really strong testimony of the Gospel but have struggled with fasting and prayer... but this reaffirmed 10x to me the importance of those two things. Within an hour I went from thinking I could lose our baby or have a VERY premature baby to she should be able to go full term. It's the craziest emotion swing I have ever felt in my life. there were many times those 9 days that i just sat there like a freak and rubbed my belly begging her to stay in there and to be strong and healthy. I never knew how long 9 days was... but it is LONG. I am excited to give birth to a little girl and can only hope for the best. The thought of losing her was unbearable.She has already proved to us that she NEEDS to be here on this earth by talking my body into healing itself so she could chill with me 4 months longer. So now we get to have ultra sounds at every appointment to make sure things are still healing and that she is growing properly. I guess i will look at that as a blessing. Not very many people get to see their baby that frequent before they are born. Life is a beautiful roller coaster with a LOT of bumps. I am thankful that I can ride this ride with my husband who never lets me jump out of the cart. Here's to bows, lace and hopefully knee pads and a volleyball.