Crazy Beautiful Life

Man oh man I am SO not good at keeping up on this blogging thing. SO much has happened since the last time I posted but those of you that are facebook friends know :)

We finished up our senior year at Utah State in Logan and graduated with our bachelors degree in Social Work which feels so rewarding! We moved back to Rexburg 2 days later, bought a house, painted and moved on in! To say we have been busy is an understatement. I am still learning daily how to balance two kids. I swear once I think I have it down another curve ball gets thrown in. Paxt is learning how to be softer to Finnley and that is a nice change. He adores cuddling with her and holding her hand. When she sleeps he puts his finger to his mouth and says "shhhh epping" or "shhh sleeping". It is so much fun to watch them both grow up and see their sweet personalities. We really are blessed with great kids and I love them so much.

We are all registered to start graduate school on August 27. JOY.  The truth is it is really important to me to be educated and to complete my masters. I have been asked by many people why I would want to leave my kids and do something like that. I chose to look at it differently. I am not leaving my kids, I am giving them a better future. I know that they will be thankful that Mark and I sacrificed to make this a possibility for our family. We have already seen many tender mercies from the lord with regards to our schooling. Mark was able to nail a job at Rire school district which counts for his internship so it will be paid plus insurance. I am able to do my internship at the hospital here in town which is so close to my house so it lessens time away from our kids. I was able to find financial freedom through an amazing company called It Works. I am able to make money from my phone that pays for our bills and lessens the stress on Mark. We are currently being blessed for our decision to obtain degrees and I am so excited that in 13 months I will have an amazing job that will help provide amazing opportunities y for our sweet babies.

We are happy and we are in love. That's all we need. I am forever grateful for my brother Jordon and the ancient MySpace account that led me to my best friend and husband. This summer it has been 7 years since we first started dating and I can honestly say my love grows deeper daily.

Sweet Baby Girl You Are Loved

A few weeks ago, on Paxton's birthday, I set up an appointment to see the gender of our baby. We took Paxt in the room and watched as the ultrasound showed a cute little baby wiggling and dancing like it knew we were watching. We were both dead set that it was going to be a boy. I even had the perfect superhero theme room that they could share and Mark dreamed of two really tall boys playing side by side on the basketball court. I hear a lot of people say "Oh you feel the same with as you did with Paxton then it must be a boy." So that is what I thought. Then we hear the words, "Oh this baby is A GIRL... a girl for SURE." My heart dropped... my jaw dropped. What the.. a girl... you must be missing something. It took me a few minuets to grasp the concept that I was going to have a baby girl. Pink... makeup... hair bows.... that is so NOT me. And I thought that was the shocker of the day that is until 30 min later.

I sent Mark and Paxton home because you know, a one year old can last only so long in a doctors office without ruining every possible instrument.As I sat in the waiting room alone i felt good and happy. I had been telling Mark all along that something was going to be wrong with this pregnancy. I had no idea what it was going to be I just didn't feel like things were right. But there I just saw my baby.. and she was moving and she was healthy. I got called back to go see the doctor and then I knew why I felt that way. My doctor is normally like the sweetest most hilarious person and that day she walked in with a look on her face that worried me. I said "Erica... its a girl!" Her reply was "have you been bleeding jocelyn?" Then i knew something was wrong with me. She went on to tell me that I had severe bleeding in my placenta. Bad enough that it looked like I had been in a car wreck or been a victim of domestic violence. After talking to the social worker they finally believed me that I hadn't been abused. She told me that she is surprised that my sweet baby was growing and that I hadn't miscarried her yet. She also talked about the possibility of our baby being down syndrome. I just sat there with the big crocodile tears in my eyes trying not to explode without my husband. She told me that I would be sent to Ogden to see a specialist and we would know more then. 

So I called my mom and cried. Called my dad and cried... and came home crying to my husband. How in the world did THIS happen to ME. Did I cause this... what could I have done wrong. The next appointment in Ogden was not available for 9 days. Those 9 days were the LONGEST 9 days of our life. I swear every little movement I made I was nervous to hurt the baby or to miscarry her. We are so thankful for family that joined us in fasting and prayers as we awaited our appointment in Ogden. We finally made it there after me having about 10 mental break downs to myself while Mark was at work. You know when you have that moment of extreme comfort from the holy ghost?? Yeah I had that. It was amazing. We got all set up for another ultra sound and what we saw was amazing. The doctor told me that my body was healing itself. The blood in my placenta was clotting off and shouldn't bother our baby. It was so weird to see just a huge pocket of blood chilling in my stomach... he also comforted us and said to not stress the down syndrome. Sometimes God works in mysterious ways. I have always had a really strong testimony of the Gospel but have struggled with fasting and prayer... but this reaffirmed 10x to me the importance of those two things. Within an hour I went from thinking I could lose our baby or have a VERY premature baby to she should be able to go full term. It's the craziest emotion swing I have ever felt in my life. there were many times those 9 days that i just sat there like a freak and rubbed my belly begging her to stay in there and to be strong and healthy. I never knew how long 9 days was... but it is LONG. I am excited to give birth to a little girl and can only hope for the best. The thought of losing her was unbearable.She has already proved to us that she NEEDS to be here on this earth by talking my body into healing itself so she could chill with me 4 months longer. So now we get to have ultra sounds at every appointment to make sure things are still healing and that she is growing properly. I guess i will look at that as a blessing. Not very many people get to see their baby that frequent before they are born. Life is a beautiful roller coaster with a LOT of bumps. I am thankful that I can ride this ride with my husband who never lets me jump out of the cart. Here's to bows, lace and hopefully knee pads and a volleyball.

We are HAPPY!

So I am the worst blogger in the history of blogs... but that's okay. I thought I would try to do an update on our exciting life because who doesn't want to hear about our adventures ;)

Mark and I are both ecstatic that we only have one more semester of undergrad... like ecstatic doesn't even cover how we feel. We have been applying to masters school and are looking forward to hearing back from those places. Right now we are required to do about 16 hours a week of internship. Mark is doing his at the juvenile justice system or cache valley youth center.  He has liked it a lot and loves that he gets to go at 6 in the morning to play basketball with the kids. I think he is ideal for that because he is so funny and down to earth and can give the troubled punks a good role model. I am doing mine at community nursing services mostly dealing with hospice patients. I like it a lot but have come to realize I want to work in a hospital setting. One thing is for sure... we both know we want our masters and would prefer working with our masters.... the bachelor level is just not for us. Only one more month of school until Christmas break and then one more semester... cake. 

Paxton is the cutest kid you will ever meet, for real though. He is so wild and loves to run around and have fun. It is CRAZY to think that he is already one year old. He has 11 teeth, sleeps about 12 hours a night, likes tootsie rolls, LOVES bath time, gives kisses, runs around like a champ and claps for the best things. He is so much fun and we love him like crazy. It is so much fun to be his mom and to watch him grow. I love snuggling with him and watching him get excited when he learns something new. He is a super tall boy and people keep asking me why I don't put him in nursery at church, then when i tell them he is barley a year they are blown away and think he is at least 18 months. 

 So our biggest news is we are going to be parents of TWO. What the... insane i know. I was dead set that this baby was going to be a boy. We were hoping for the "dream" post team in basketball... but we were wrong. When we were told it was a girl i was certain they were missing "it", but the doctor is/was certain she doesn't have "it". So now i am excited to have my little volleyball player. Like seriously... EXCITED. We were experiencing some problems with our sweet baby and were sent to Ogden to see a specialist and long story short, we witnessed a miracle for our family. Time and time again I am reminded the importance of prayer and fasting but this is definitely a time that strengthened my testimony that I will NEVER forget. I am certain that our heavenly father is aware of us and our little family, Honestly, I have never felt so loved and so cared for. I am extremely thankful and forever changed. It is so weird to shop for little girl clothes,,, but i learned with paxt that less is more and that she doesn't need every cute outfit out there, okay lets be honest... she needs majority of them. Shh don't tell her dad. AH WE ARE HAVING A GIRL.

 We love our crazy beautiful life and love the stage we are in. There have been many times the past few months where I wish i was closer to family. I really miss going out to Sunday dinner at my Grandma's or attending family activities; It is definitely something that I took for granted. But I love being in my own house with my own little family and learning how to make it a home. We have grown so close as a couple and we are rocking this life... seriously though. It feels good knowing that we are capable of doing hard things and laughing our way along. I am married to the best man in the world. He is an amazing dad and husband and keeps us laughing. Only 7 more months in this little blue house until we head off onto our next adventure!!

blessed

I am so blessed. It's the silent moments like right now (paxt sleeping) that help me to recognize just how truly blessed I am. We have been having a really good summer. At times I like to complain to Mark about how I wish we were going somewhere or doing something but then I remember how much fun we actually have here... together. Having Paxt this summer has really made a big difference in the things that Mark and I can do together, but I wouldn't have it any other way. Yesterday was the 4th and we had SO much fun with our little man. Paxt loved the parade at Aunt Julies and loved trying his first sucker. He also loved the fireworks snuggled on mamas lap. I love that little energetic man. Paxters is a crawling fool and is now learning to stand up by pulling himself up on the couch or our legs. He is definitely keeping me on my toes ,crazy to think that he is already 8 months old, time is hauling and I already miss my baby. Mark is such an amazing dad and husband. He has been applying to all sorts of scholarships and had either won them or been a finalist.... stud right? He won the working parent scholarship and right now we are SO close to winning the LDS bookstore one as well. We need the social media votes... which is a hassle and can be embarrassing but we are thankful for those who have helped us.I am SO thankful for him and for our marriage. Two years ago we were spending our first weekend together again after his mission. We get a kick out of how "fast" everything happened but again... we wouldn't want it any other way. This summer we have worked opposite shifts and only see each other for a few min a day for the "pass down" of Paxt. I miss my husband.
I've started my practicum and so far so good. Besides getting attacked by a clients dog I have enjoyed it. It feels really good to know that I am helping other people and that they are appreciative of what I am doing for them. I love knowing that the career I chose is something that I LOVE to do. I thoroughly enjoy spending time with people and talking to them. We are getting anxious for school to start... so it can be over. We are in the process of applying for masters school and that can be interesting. So far we are planning on applying to the following: University of Utah. Boise State, Montana State, Northwest Nazarene, and Washington State. Two more years till we are done! Social Work is honestly the best field for us. We love talking to one another about things in the news or discussing our ideas on certain subjects. I have really grown to respect people and to make sure that I am seeing not only the person but the whole situation. We are so blessed.
We miss our family but we have decided that it is fun to just be here as our own family too. We get to start our own traditions and just be together which is nice. Mark's parents are doing great in the Philippines and we are proud of them. In the past 4 years Mark has only been with his parents for 1.5 of those years... and that's being married to me. So yes... we miss them. Next weekend we are going camping to Salmon with Mark's brother and sisters and we are really looking forward to that.
We just love being our own little family. We are truly blessed.

Mother, Student and Employee?

I am a mother, student and employee in that order. My husband is a father, student and employee in that order as well. Being a mom to a newborn baby while being a full time student and part time employee, is really a full time job. In October of 2013 I was blessed with a healthy baby boy full of spunk and a hungry stomach. I was 39 weeks pregnant and in the middle of my first semester in the Social Work program. October 23, 2013 was just a typical 39 week doctors check up. That is until the doctor told me it was time for me to have my baby. At first I was excited until I realized I still had STATS homework to finish and my husband had a test that afternoon. We convinced the doctor to let us head up to campus and finish our homework and exams and then we would come back in later. Being a mother, student and employee requires flexibility.

Flexibility is key to staying sane in this ever changing life. I quickly learned that while on our drive back to campus. It is vital that we are capable of being flexible and understanding that flexibility helps us mentally and physically. We quickly learned to become flexible as our baby was bounced from friend to friend for day care outside of our classrooms. Since we didn’t have family close by or know of any decent day cares in the Cache Valley I was required to be flexible with the cultural role of a mother. Most mothers in this area stay home with their child to help rear and raise them, but I was not that mother. I was required to be a mother, student and employee which meant that my baby was going to be tended by his father and our close friends.

Paxton was born on October 24,2013, at 4:16 a.m. on a Thursday. I always knew that I wanted to be a mom and that I wanted to also be able to provide for my family as well as gain a solid education. Once Paxton was born that desire increased ten fold. Although it would have been a lot easier for me to hang up my backpack and snuggle my baby all day, I knew he deserved more than that and so did I. I quickly returned to school the Tuesday after he was born and pushed through the day. Punctuality is key in being a good mother, student and employee. I knew that if I was to take more days off than necessary of school it would be harder and harder for me to return. Having a new baby also made me realize that I needed to get up earlier in the day and that things would take longer to get accomplished. But being punctual is important to me, in fact it is one of my defining qualities. I have a reputation for being on time and precise and I did not want to lose that since it is something I am proud of. Professors don’t allow homework extensions since I am a mother nor do they allow tardiness because I have a sick baby. My employer didn’t allow me to show up late to work or leave work early because of my baby. I was still required to be punctual but now it was more difficult. I attribute my 4.0 that semester to punctuality and organization.

Diapers, pacifiers, bottles and homework. Did I mention homework? I quickly became grateful for my prior organizational skills and clean home which made the transition of baby things easier to handle. I am a list maker. My planner became one of my best friends. I learned that if I highlighted when different things were due it made my life a lot easier. I had to be organized to be a successful mother, student and employee. Organization is the reason that I am able to be flexible and punctual. Because I have my “ducks in a row” I know when it is okay to be flexible and have a change of plans. Because I am organized I am able to be on time to things and hand in assignments on time. Being organized while working during school helped finances to go smoothly and allowed me to work more shifts. Organization helped me to balance just the right amount of time for work and school work to still manage time with my baby and husband.

Being a mother, student and employee is difficult. Being a mother and attending school and working is difficult. However, being a mom makes me who I am and gives me motivation to achieve greatness. Being a full time student is difficult. There are times where I second guessed myself and my motives for continuing school. However, I know that my baby and I deserve to gain an education. Working while going to school and being a mother is difficult. However, I know the importance of being smart financially and staying out of debt. Understanding how to be flexible, punctual and organized make being a mother, student and employee a breeze.